What is progress without forward movement?

Last week I was reminded why I chose to name the blog Funny Little Fairytale in the first place. You see, I grew up believing in fairytales, in the possibilities of real life prince charmings, true love, and overcoming ones biggest challenges in order to grow and in a lot of ways, I still do. That's not to say my life is some sort of other world fantasy, it has flaws, ups and downs, just like all the best story books do...in fact, even the charming Mr. Darcy was flawed.

It may surprise some of you to know that this blog started out as a couples lifestyle blog. Where I could share our relationship and life together as it evolved over time and share the things I loved within each season. It transformed and grounded itself in fashion, food, and home because those are the things I love for a great number of reasons but it's always maintained it's lifestyle roots.

As I often do, usually late at night when we're laying in bed, my head spinning from the day and B nearly asleep, {this time before heading to bed}, I went to Brad with something that had been weighing me down. I explained to him that I was struggling to find my voice, figure out what to share and how in order to better relate to people, how I constantly struggle with the fine line between authenticity and maintaining ones privacy, why I seem to consistently be losing people which in turn was making me feel more and more like perhaps there isn't space for me or that I don't actually have anything to say or share. I'd completely lost sight of my why.

I asked him "what is progress without forward movement?" And, after just a moment to think, he replied "progress is relative"..."it was only 4 years ago that you decided to start blogging again and look how far you've come"..."You feel like you're losing your voice because you're trying to do something that's impossible, you're trying to please everyone. If you stay true to who you are and continue sharing the things you love, people will follow and even if they don't, who cares because it's something you enjoy doing and it's something we can do together."

{When I tell you it took every fiber in my being to choke back the happy/proud/completely in love tears....} He was right...BOY was he right! Believe it or not, when I started the blog and instagram feed four years ago, I had around 500 followers, in fact Brad had almost double the amount I did! My main motivator is NOT a follower count. The number is important to me for 2 reasons: (1) a bigger number means a bigger opportunity to reach others; to connect with people, to share inspiration and to be inspired and (2) a bigger number means more opportunities. I wish, with every fiber that wasn't the case. I wish there was more focus on engagement rates and truly organic accounts but if the last four years have taught me one thing, it's that big numbers are king. That's not to say that I haven't had some amazing opportunities to work with incredible companies, participate in some really fun giveaways, and connect with some AWESOME people! I have and I am SO thankful for every single opportunity that's come my way on this journey so far!

But I want to make something very clear, the world of blogging/influencers is not for the faint of heart. You have to have tough skin. You have to get really comfortable with being wrong. With balancing all the aspects of life while trying to find time and space for creating and maintaining an online presence. It's a world of "you're darned if you do, and darned if you don't". It's competitive, incredibly saturated, but so fulfilling {IF you're here for the right reasons}.

I have gained some incredible friendships, I've lost some as well, I've been doubted by many, I've learned so much about myself and the world around me, I've connected with people who I might not have ever "met" {virtually speaking}, I've discovered some incredible small businesses, I've defined my personal style and I've pushed myself through every single challenge never letting that pesky follower count stop me from reaching for the next goal and letting myself be okay with my pace looking different than others. At times I falter {like last week...it's not been an easy space to be in lately, even more than normal} but I keep this post-it on my work desktop. It drives me in both my 9-5 job as it does for my blogging aspirations. It says this,"To whom much is given, much is expected." I will continue to understand the responsibility I have to show up for the people in my teeny corner of the internet and for all those who have still yet to join our Funny Little community. I will continue to remind myself that God's plan for me is greater than anything I can see or manifest and that all I have to do is keep moving forward, keep challenging myself, continue doing the next right thing for me, the blog, and the following I've built, and the rest will take care of itself in due time. And if not, "it's something we can do together."